Parenting Part 4

[00:00:18.81]Back to Rooted&Real.
[00:00:21.49]Again, this is Lynda.
[00:00:23.81]We’ve been handling issues on ‘Parenting’,
and this is my take on,
[00:00:33.61]‘Their Behaviour Is Not About You’.
[00:00:38.53]Okay?
Their behaviour is not about you.
[00:00:43.97]They’re screaming, maybe, in the
supermarket, and you’re thinking,
[00:00:47.89]“Everyone is judging me.”
They slam the door and you think,
[00:00:52.89]“I’m a bad parent.”
They withdraw and you think, “They
[00:00:58.49]don’t love me.” So what are we doing?
[00:01:01.49]We take it so personal.
[00:01:04.25]But those tantrums aren’t defiance.
[00:01:07.09]An attitude is not disrespect.
[00:01:11.29]Shutting down is not rejection.
[00:01:15.25]You know what it is?
[00:01:16.85]Communication.
[00:01:18.41]And most of the time,
they don’t even have the words for it yet.
[00:01:24.81]So your kid isn’t giving you a very good
time, but your kid is having a hard time.
[00:01:35.05]They are tired, probably over
stimulated, hungry, anxious.
[00:01:44.21]They can’t regulate yet.
[00:01:46.37]That’s literally, sorry for the ‘shrub’
(mispronunciation),
[00:01:50.05]that’s literally our job.
[00:01:52.17]When you don’t take it personal,
you get curious instead, isn’t it?
[00:01:57.65]“What do you need right now?”
It different then, “Why are you acting
[00:02:02.13]like this?” You’re not
raising kids to be easy.
[00:02:06.05]You’re raising humans to be whole.
[00:02:09.41]And whole humans have big feelings.
[00:02:14.29]So, breathe first.
[00:02:19.69]Regulate yourself.
[00:02:21.85]Then, and only then,
you can help them regulate.
[00:02:27.61]Get low, get calm.
[00:02:32.61]Something like, “You’re safe.
I’m here.
[00:02:36.25]We’ll figure this out together.”
Their behavior isn’t a report
[00:02:41.85]card on your parenting.
[00:02:44.01]Okay, so here it is.
[00:02:48.29]To every parent in the thick of it,
don’t take it personal.
[00:02:54.85]Get curious.
[00:02:56.49]Why?
[00:02:57.93]Because you’ve got this.