“Marriage Truths Part 3…” Marriage Won’t Fix You!
This is the third episode of the 5-part miniseries, “Marriage Truths: Embracing the Real Work of Love” in the Lynda: Rooted&Real podcast.
Marriage can bring love and support, but a spouse can’t cure insecurity or loneliness for you. In ‘Marriage Truths Part 3,’ learn why expecting a partner to fill every gap can put strain on the bond.
Self-work can help you understand what fuels those feelings and ask for support without making your spouse responsible for fixing them.
Past hurt, fear of being rejected or low self-worth can affect how someone reads a partner’s words and actions. Understanding those patterns can make it easier to ask for support clearly, without making a spouse responsible for fixing everything. It also leaves room for each person to have their own needs and limits.
Honest talks about needs, fears and limits make room for trust and closeness.
A healthier marriage starts with two people who care for each other and take responsibility for their own well-being.
Marriage Truths Part 3
Episode Transcript
A text version of the podcast episode with timestamps.
[00:17.85]Welcome back.
[00:19.17]This is Lynda, your personal
person on Rooted&Real.
[00:24.21]We’re still working on
some truths about marriage.
[00:28.21]So today I’m going to do the third one.
[00:31.09]Remember, you can comment.
[00:32.45]You don’t have to agree with me.
[00:36.05]Marriage won’t fix you.
[00:39.41]So, many of us got married thinking,
“Hey, once I’m married,
[00:43.89]I’ll finally feel secure.
[00:46.01]I’ll finally sleep feeling loved,
finally feel complete, finally stop
[00:51.33]feeling lonely.” So what did we do?
[00:55.05]We married a rescue plan.
[00:57.41]And then 6 months later,
one year later, we are married,
[01:02.73]but you still feel insecure.
[01:05.69]You still have episodes of loneliness.
[01:08.09]You’re still empty sometimes.
[01:10.65]And who do we blame?
[01:13.01]The spouse.
[01:14.73]“You’re not making me happy.”
What is the truth?
[01:19.45]Marriage was never meant to fix you.
[01:22.49]If you are insecure (while) single,
you’ll be insecure (while) married.
[01:26.81]You’ll just be married and insecure.
[01:29.57]If you didn’t love yourself single,
you won’t magically love yourself
[01:35.05]because somebody said, “I do.”
Your ‘bwana’ (husband), your wife,
[01:42.19]your spouse is a partner, not a therapist.
[01:47.49]Not a parent, and not God.
[01:51.77]They cannot heal a wound
they did not create.
[01:54.97]They cannot make you feel worthy
if you don’t feel worthy inside.
[02:00.49]So, what is your work?
[02:04.41]You must still do your
work inside the marriage.
[02:08.69]Go heal that abandonment.
[02:10.89]Learn to self-soothe.
[02:12.09]Learn to say, “I’m feeling insecure,
I need reassurance,” instead of
[02:15.89]starting a fight like most of us do.
[02:18.85]A healthy marriage is two whole people,
not two half people trying
[02:24.49]to complete each other.
[02:26.29]The whole person
will say, “I’m working on me.
[02:32.73]You work on you, and we build together.”
“We build who?
[02:41.09]The ‘we’.” So, this
one is working on them,
[02:46.65]this other one is working on them,
and then you build the you together.
[02:53.05]Stop waiting for them to make you happy.
[02:56.85]Start bringing happiness to the table.
[03:01.61]‘Asanteni sana’ (Thank you very much) for
listening, tomorrow’s fourth episode is
[03:07.85]The Boring Days are the Marriage.
[03:12.81]See ya.
03:34
Wed, 7 Oct, 2026
Transcript