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Welcome back.

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This is Lynda, your personal
person on Rooted&Real.

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We're still working on
some truths about marriage.

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So today I'm going to do the third one.

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Remember, you can comment.

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You don't have to agree with me.

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Marriage won't fix you.

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So, many of us got married thinking,
"Hey, once I'm married,

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I'll finally feel secure.

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I'll finally sleep feeling loved,
finally feel complete, finally stop

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feeling lonely." So what did we do?

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We married a rescue plan.

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And then 6 months later,
one year later, we are married,

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but you still feel insecure.

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You still have episodes of loneliness.

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You're still empty sometimes.

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And who do we blame?

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The spouse.

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"You're not making me happy."
What is the truth?

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Marriage was never meant to fix you.

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If you are insecure (while) single,
you'll be insecure (while) married.

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You'll just be married and insecure.

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If you didn't love yourself single,
you won't magically love yourself

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because somebody said, "I do."
Your 'bwana' (husband), your wife,

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your spouse is a partner, not a therapist.

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Not a parent, and not God.

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They cannot heal a wound
they did not create.

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They cannot make you feel worthy
if you don't feel worthy inside.

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So, what is your work?

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You must still do your
work inside the marriage.

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Go heal that abandonment.

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Learn to self-soothe.

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Learn to say, "I'm feeling insecure,
I need reassurance," instead of

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starting a fight like most of us do.

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A healthy marriage is two whole people,
not two half people trying

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to complete each other.

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The whole person
will say, "I'm working on me.

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You work on you, and we build together."
"We build who?

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The 'we'." So, this
one is working on them,

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this other one is working on them,
and then you build the you together.

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Stop waiting for them to make you happy.

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Start bringing happiness to the table.

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'Asanteni sana' (Thank you very much) for
listening, tomorrow's fourth episode is

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The Boring Days are the Marriage.

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See ya.