Loving a Broken Person Part 2

[00:17.49]Hey!
‘Ni mimi tu Lynda.
[00:18.57]Niko nanyi tu bado’ (It’s me Lynda and I’m
still with you) on ‘Loving a
[00:21.97]Broken Person’,
‘niko nanyi’ (I’m still with you) because
[00:26.49]this is a journey that I’m also walking.
[00:33.17]This one, we’re going to do an
episode on, ‘You Didn’t Cause It’.
[00:38.57]You’re not the one who caused it.
[00:41.37]So, to the person loving someone who is
broken, that guilt you carry,
[00:47.57]You know, like maybe if I was
better, they would be better.
[00:52.61]Let it go.
[00:55.65]You didn’t cause this.
[00:59.61]You keep replaying everything.
[01:03.41]If I didn’t nag so much,
maybe if I was prettier,
[01:07.57]more patient, maybe if I made more money,
maybe if I was there that night when they
[01:12.81]called, you think you broke them
because they told you that, probably.
[01:20.33]Or because when they hurt,
you are the closest person to blame.
[01:27.45]So you apologise for things
that are not your fault.
[01:30.09]You try to be perfect
so they won’t spiral.
[01:33.13]You become responsible for their moods.
Come on.
[01:37.49]If they are happy, you can breathe.
[01:41.37]If they’re angry,
your whole day is ruined.
[01:47.49]Listen to me.
[01:49.49]You didn’t cause their brokenness.
[01:52.73]Their trauma started before you.
[01:56.49]Their wounds, their addiction,
their anger, their depression.
[02:03.93]It has roots deeper
than your relationship.
[02:08.37]You’re not that powerful
to break someone so deeply.
[02:11.17]And you’re not that powerful also
to fix them by being perfect.
[02:17.65]Their healing is not
dependent on your perfection.
[02:21.73]You can be perfect
and still be a good partner,
[02:25.81]still be a good sister,
still be a good parent, still be a
[02:29.73]good friend, still be a good brother.
[02:33.97]So stop taking responsibility
for wounds you didn’t create.
[02:43.29]You are allowed to stop
carrying what is not yours.
[02:47.89]Say this with me.
[02:50.73]I didn’t cause it.
[02:53.25]I can’t cure it.
[02:55.53]But I can care for myself
while I care for them.
[03:02.81]So let that guilt go.
[03:05.69]It was never yours to hold.